Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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