Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
