I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
