My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
