dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
