Moan for me like Helen Keller
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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