I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
