he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
