She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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