nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
