i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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