so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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