If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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