I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
