P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
