I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
