Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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