you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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