i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
