Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
