Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
