He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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