That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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