i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
