Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
