how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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