i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
