Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
