You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
