I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My vagina is very pro this idea
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
