half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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