Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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