basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
