There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
