she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
