Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
