i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
