I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
