I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
