HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
