dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
