I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
