.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
