i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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