apparently the secret to your success is patron
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
