i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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