there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
