btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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