Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
