his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
