This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
