Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
