I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
