the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
